AsSeenBySusan

Life Is Like a Bicycle Ride

Weeks 3-4

Last century, in the late 1990s, I took up road cycling. My neighbor and teaching colleague, Ann Weatherill, had been doing long distance road cycling for years, and after questioning her sanity many times, the cycling bug bit me, and she became my inspiration and hero. I started out slowly, adding miles weekly, until that first summer I decided to try my first sponsored ride -- Walla Walla Wheatland Wheelers' 4,000 in 40. The ride began in Pioneer Park and went to the top of Tollgate Pass in Oregon, a distance of 40 miles with a climb of 4,000 vertical feet. Of course, then there was the ride back to Walla Walla which was all downhill, sort of. Suffice it to say, I eventually made it home on my own strength, tired and sore but feeling like a champion.

But what I learned on that ride about eating, hydrating and building strength and endurance by riding miles and miles every week served me well. In fact, by the following summer when I received a flyer in the mail to participate in the Big Ride Across America in the summer of 1998, I didn't think twice about signing up. This was just the challenge I needed.

For over a year I trained for the biggest physical challenge I had ever embarked upon. The ride was to begin in Seattle and end in Washington D.C., 47 days and 3,254 +/- miles later. During that training year, I also changed my eating style, added regular weight training to my schedule, and in the process lost 70 pounds. By June 1998 I was as ready as I could be.

My physical preparation served me well over those thousands of miles despite days of cold drenching rain, unrelenting sun, side winds that tipped my bike and head winds that made every pedal forward an extra effort. And snow! Yes, snow on a pass outside Helena, Montana. But there were also plenty of days with perfect temperatures, tail winds that pushed me along, and enough hills and flats to vary the terrain.

But the long hill climbs and mountain passes were what really tested my metal. Some days it was nothing but one long climb. So I quickly learned when that happened to recite this mantra: head down and keep pedaling. 

And therein was my epiphany that life is like a bicycle ride.

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Some days life brings me good weather and a tail wind. I am grateful. Other days, annoyances and inconveniences are like a headwind and make moving forward hard. It's then I remember to put my head down and put one foot in front of the other, one step at a time.

But then there are the major life challenges that drop me to my knees. Death. Divorce. A life threatening illness. These life events are like the mountain pass when it snowed and iced over the road. Or pedaling in the 100% humidity in western Pennsylvania when some angry passing motorist threw an empty glass bottle at my wheel. Or cycling the interminably long, flat concrete road into Billings, Montana and counting the bump-bumps every time my wheels went over the miles of seams. Head down, keep pedaling.

This anal cancer is now my biggest mental and emotional challenge of my life. While extremely painful at times, I can honestly say riding my bicycle cross-country remains my biggest physical challenge, followed by backpacking in 2005 for three days out of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to the Bearing Sea.

But I am not finished with my treatment, and I am told, it still can get worse. So far, however, I consider myself lucky. That said, I have no appetite at all, and my mouth tastes like cardboard. The BEST news is the meals from my Meal Train have provided Doug and me with hot, home-cooked meals filled with LOVE. Without them I'm afraid we would be on a rotation of Progresso Chicken and Rice soup, Frosted Flakes and Cream of Wheat. Bland and easy to digest. 

And the fatigue. All cancer patients know of this side effect which at times is overwhelming. But since exercise is so important during chemoradiation, I am trying to keep swimming. I missed last week because of bowel issues, but did go Saturday. It felt good. I'm signed up for three days this next week. Head down, keep pedaling.

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NOTE: The following may be TMI for some.

The hardest and most painful part for me has been elimination. With anal cancer, the radiation targets the anal canal, the anus, the perineum, with lower doses still hitting the vagina, the colon and the lymph nodes along the crotch. Radiation is like a severe sunburn, and as you can imagine, these nether regions rarely, if ever, see the light of day. So as they burn, they tend to blister, open and peel. I've been lucky, so far, to avoid that, but there's still a possibility. My pain, however, is at the anus as a result of new or old hemorrhoids that make eliminating a  painful challenge. (I was supposed to be rid of them as a result of a previous surgery, but that's another story.) I also have a constant nagging feeling of having to poop, called tenesmus. As a result, I am at the toilet 8-10 times a day.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rectal_tenesmus This makes making daily plans difficult because I don't know how long I have in between successful attempts. And if I do go out, I make sure I know the location of every public toilet. 

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If you happen to see me at the YMCA, you may be surprised that I look quite healthy. I still have a my full head of white hair, although it needs cutting, and since I'm not in pain, I physically look quite normal. You may notice, however, a slower pace some days and a bit of a mental fog (chemo brain is real), but all-in-all I'm hanging in there. And when and if it does get harder in the coming days/weeks, I'll simply put my head down and keep pedaling. Life is like that.